My Second 5 Day Fast
Earlier this year a girlfriend showed up at book club with noticeably less energy than she usually exuded and a slight hoarseness in her voice. At some point I screwed up the initiative to ask what was going on. Covid was still lurking. "You got the Covid?"
It turns out she was on day 4 or 5 of a five day fast, water only. I was intrigued. I decided to try it.
What I remember about my first 5 day fast was that I had a killer headache and body aches until about day 4 when I had a good poop. After that it was cake. That's what I remember anyway.
I'm doing another 5 day fast and decided to take some notes this time since my memory is shit.
So, day one was easy. After that first 5 day fast I started fasting every Saturday. And I started this fast on Saturday so it was like a normal start to the weekend for the most part. There was the small nagging thought in the back of my mind that this was just the beginning and I had a long way to go. That made the day slightly different for sure.
Day two was difficult. I probably had a headache. Do you ever have a headache or some other minor pain and don't really notice it until you're losing your temper at the volume of the television? It was something like that. I was irritable and hungry and the headache wouldn't go away. Maybe it was a food or sugar detox?
This time around I decided not to give up the coffee. I thought maybe that was the reason for the major headaches and body pain the first time around. It's hard enough to not eat anything for 5 days but to detox from caffeine at the same time seems excessive. I was discussing my fasting plans with a girlfriend and put the thought out there that this was cheating somehow, but then countered my own thought with "Well, it's MY fast. I can do what I want." She emphatically agreed, probably due in part to the fact that she has zero interest in any kind of fast or self deprivation and in part to her being slightly a rebel to other people's rules and "shoulds". So, this fast is coffee, tea, and water.
So, all that to say, I thought this time the headache wouldn't be as bad, and maybe it wasn't as bad as last time but it was still pretty bad, and it made me cranky.
If day two can be defined as cranky and maybe full of fight, day three can be described as resigned. On day three the fatigue hit me like a ton of bricks. Dan had to work on Monday and so we got up early to do our morning routine and let me tell you it was rough. I was feeling whoozy during yoga and weak during meditation and I went right back to sleep after we were done.
The silver lining to the fatigue is that the quiet and slowness I remembered from the last fast seemed to be starting. My brain was slow and concentrating on one thing at a time, with varying degrees of success.
I skipped morning routine on days 4 and 5. I felt like sleep was more important. I got into a fight with DeAngelo on day 4. And I nearly pooped my pants. Those two things were unrelated, I think.
I remember having a mysterious poop on day four during my first fast. It was like "Woah! Where have you been hiding?!" This time I had a little poop nugget day four morning and thought that was it. The major stomach cramps and I thought I was going to have to go in the grass Yobagoya style, but I made it home.
Days four and five were relatively easy I think. Day five was cake (mmmm cake). Day five made me feel like I could do 5 more days. I. Did. Not. The truth is I start to miss food. Hunger isn't what I once thought it was. I thought it was that growling in my stomach, but that's only a small part of it. It's fatigue and brain fog. It's also a disguise for boredom or anger, for me anyway. Also I don't think of myself as someone who likes to cook, but I do kind of miss it when I don't.
Second 5 day fast in the books. The two fasts ended up being about 3 months apart. I had thought I could make it a routine in my life- may twice a year. Once around my birthday in September and once around the new year. But now I'm thinking quarterly. We'll see how I feel about that in March.
A friend asked me why I would not eat for 5 days on purpose. I wasn't ready with an answer at the time. I'm not sure I still have a solid answer, but let's see if I can tease it out. The first fast was definitely a curiosity. I thought "I wonder what that's like." and the only way to really know was to jump in and experience it. The second one was more like "I wonder what would happen if I did it again. Would it be the same or different?" It was different. Of course I changed some of the perimeters, so that wasn't very scientific of me.
Some things I'd like to remind myself when I do this again:
Don't watch Big Bang Theory while you're fasting. Those guys are eating in every fucking scene.
Prepare for the cold. You will be cold all the time.
You will hear your heartbeat. Don't freak out. Breathe in, and breathe out and remind yourself that this happened before and you're okay.
People talk about food all the time. Food is everywhere. Be prepared.
This five day fast reminds me how much I seek to run away from present discomfort. I distract myself instead of simply sitting and being with my feelings. I congratulate myself on being more aware. I hope one day I will be more comfortable with discomfort.
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