Celebrating 40 years of Alice

I want to do the impossible. I want to share how amazing this year has been. I want you to know, really know, how great it was. I wish everyone could experience what I did. And so I'm a bit sad. It was a great year and I'm a bit alone in my ecstasy of it. It's also gone forever and only available in my fallible memory. I wish it could be stored, in detail, somewhere else besides my fickle brain.

Also, now the year is over, and I'm left wondering "what's next?"

It wasn't just the travel that made this a great year. Although there was a lot of that. 

I pre-gamed with Mary in Dillon in mid-September.

We traveled internationally for the first time as a family to Cancun, Mexico. It was also my first all inclusive. Dangerous things. I gained at least 10 pounds that week!

We visited my friend Kevan in Texas for his fortieth.

We visited my brother's family in Arizona.

We visited my friend Cindy in Idaho.

We went back to Dillon for another concert. 

We visited my uncle in San Francisco. 

And my sister and brother-in-law.

These people made my year and filled my heart. 

Dan and I had trips alone together to Santa Fe, Denver, Black Hawk, Cripple Creek.

There were a lot of firsts. My first boudoir photo shoot. The first time snowboarding for the boys. My first protest. Our first Pride. My first batch of composting worms. My first time in a golf league and a golf charity tournament (and second!). DeAngelo turned 21 for the first time! (That one is a stretch, I admit.)

How does one top such an amazing year? (Well, for one thing, there's no need to top it. What am I? A capitalist?) Where do I go from here? What's the next right thing for me?

It took me a while, but I think I've figured it out. This next year we're celebrating 41 years of Alice- It's "One to grow on." I plan to use this year as a year of growth. I envision this as growth for myself, my family (Grow in quality and connection, not quantity. Although we have talked about getting a cat), growth of new friendships that I planted, and growth of communities I've started or haven't even met yet (by adding myself, that adds one, right?). I've started learning about literally growing things this year. I'd like to continue that journey in my home garden and maybe a community garden. This year is for growing.

A couple of years ago Dan and I attended a class with Barry Magrid and Max Erdstein. Barry is of the Buddhist lineage of Joko Beck. My takeaway from the class was that we are all okay. There's no self-improvement we need to accomplish. There's nothing we need to do. We. Are. Okay. 

That hit me.

I've been reading self-help books for what seems like (and may in fact be) decades. What if I'm just fine the way I am and I could actually accept that? It was so freeing. And I did accept it, in a way. I no longer felt a strong need to learn new ways of being or fix this or that about myself. I no longer felt the need to continually be improving. I could just rest in who I am and be okay. 

Everything has a season. This new year may be another season of growth for me. That's my intention for this year at any rate. I want to uncover the smelly scabs on my psyche. I want to apply healing salve on my wounds. I at least want to be aware of where my injuries are located. I want to know myself so I can accept myself more fully. 

That's my "One to grow on" year. I remember getting my birthday licks, and it was always the last one, the "one to grow on" that hurt the most. It was the one that the giver gave the most oomph. I may be crazy for setting an intention to experience pain. But I think that not all pain is harmful. I want to lean into the pain and see what I learn. Let's go.